Dreams

 I have had a few conversations about dreams recently. Dreams about the future, dreams about our children, dreams about life. A little thoughtful about everything the other day, I asked Marvin "What are the dreams you have for our children's future?" To which he responded "That they love and serve the Lord with their whole heart!" I continued to prod though and ask if he had other dreams-dreams of what they would do and be. He started to express to me exactly what I myself had on my own heart. He started to say that he didn't want to put in a box what God had in store for their futures-he wanted to allow them the freedom to follow His calling on each of their lives, whatever that might be and however that might look.

   I realized something important that day. Not that I didn't know it before, but I was reminded of how powerful expectations and dreams can be. They can devastate, empower, pressure, or free. We live in this culture where following your dreams and following your heart is so valued. But what about when our dreams and heart don't line up to God's dreams and God's heart? What about when our dreams become self-centered instead of God-centered? And what about when our dreams and heart don't line up to others' dreams and hearts for us? There is often this pressure to "be someone" and "do something" great with your life, which is all really good, but can become a great burden when your calling doesn't line up to others' expectations. Dreams by no means are bad, but I think I have come to see that many of the dreams that have come to exist on the face of this earth do not come from God.

    I have to look at Joel's life in this light. To be completely honest, when he was born and diagnosed with Apert Syndrome, we were not devastated as many would think. Yes there were tears, surprise, confusion and grief over the medical procedures he would have to endure and the challenges we would face as a family. To us though, Apert Syndrome is a diagnosis, not a definition of who Joel is. Our dreams for Joel are still not crushed. You see-we have never dreamed dreams of great careers and worldly success (not that either or those things are bad in and of themselves) for any of our children. You see-the main dreams of our hearts for them are not based on their earthly happiness or our earthly happiness at all. We believe they were created for a much greater purpose. We believe they were created with an eternal purpose. We don't want them to be citizens of this world, but of heaven! Our dream is to see them glorify God and enjoy Him forevermore! And if this dream is made reality, we know without a shadow of a doubt that one day their bodies will be completely healed and whole, and they will live in a perfect world and be happy and live to the fullest forevermore. We don't want to lose sight of this dream as we raise them to follow any of the dreams of the world around us, but we realize there is a great spiritual battle and great pressure around. The pressure is to focus on this world and this life. The pressure is to make happiness here and now the goal. The pressure is to be someone important here and now. My prayer is that the Lord will guard us from falling into the temptation of following these goals. If we do fall into that temptation, the fact that Joel will never be completely "normal" according to people around us will really bother us. The fact that he will not fit into the box of success and popularity here in this world will tug at our hearts. We will focus and question way too much the whys of his situation and the many things we really don't and can't understand. May this not be the case.

   As I write all of this, I guard in my heart different things that I do feel I sense about Joel's future here on earth. I anticipate and even have great faith about his life here, but I pray my ultimate focus and ultimate dream remain the dream of him one day going home to live eternally in the presence of our loving Father-the place where Joel will be fully accepted by all around and will no longer have any painful sign of the brokenness of this fallen world. I pray that he and us store our treasures up in heaven where moth and rust won't destroy, and thieves can't break in to steal. My hope is that we can exemplify and guide him to live his life preparing for that moment and involved in God's kingdom coming here to earth in the meantime.

   You see, the truth is that we are all just as broken as Joel. We have all been entangled in different and unique messes that have left their marks on us in one way or another. Our bodies are wearing down, our struggle with sin is real, and the pain, suffering and evilness we see around causes our hearts to long for justice more and more-the cry of eternity on our hearts. This place just doesn't feel like home, and there is only one who can save us and lead us home to the place we will be whole-Jesus Christ. This is the dream worth living for here on this earth and the only dream worth dying for.

   No, my friends, my dream for Joel's life has not been crushed. It remains as strong as ever.